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The Cody Blog: Saving Up By Bleeding

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Saving Up By Bleeding

As a kid, I used to wonder why the highest quality products always cost the most money. I used to wonder if the old saying was true that "You get what you pay for". Why is an Egyptian cotton shirt so expensive? Why are the highest megapixel cameras the most expensive? Why do the items that are most durable cost the most money? It's all about craftsmanship and supply and demand.

Everybody wants the best stuff out there, but there's a limited amount of it, so the prices go higher, since suppliers want to maximize their profits. And it obviously takes more time, more stitching, more material, and more craftsmanship to manufacture the best clothes. And it takes more resources, more research and development to create the best visual modules. So if you want the best, you have to work for it. To earn it.

And it's the same in relationships, unfortunately. There are a limited number of amazing, talented beautiful people out there. And everybody wants the best quality. So the price goes higher and they're the most expensive. Of course, the capital involved in the transaction isn't money. It's soul. It's heart. And let's be keep it real -- looks, style, and charisma. It's the very quality of the person making the "purchase".

I've often found that I like myself better when I'm not in a relationship. I've never really understood why that is. Relationships require commitment, and I'm an honest guy so I never cheat or lie and I strive to treat the other person right. But somtimees those actions themselves make me feel like I'm not being true to myself. Or something like that.

I made myself stay single for a long time when I first came to NYC. I didn't date and certainly didn't get involved with anyone. I was looking for myself. Hurting. Being lonely. On purpose. I didn't even want a TV to distract myself. I wanted to work, to work out, to write and play music, to read, to learn, to experience life. To bleed. And, boy, did I bleed. I was lonely, and homesick. But I worked hard. And I played hard. And I lived life hard. And I succeeded in finding who I was. And I liked that.

But I obviously started dating again. And I got into relationships. A couple serious relationships. And sometimes those feelings of non-truth to myself would creep back in. And, obviously the relationships ended. Sometimes I wonder if I always know from the start that the relationship is doomed. Is it because one of the party hasn't paid the price? Because there's some sort of inequity in the relationshp? The transaction isn't economical enough?

I hate to make it sound like I see relationships in an economic sense. I don't. But I know from recent experiences, that I'd spent too much of my soul, of my blood, of my essence on women who weren't right for me. And that's the point of this post, I guess. That sometimes you have to rebuild those internal assets so that you can make the purchase when the right one comes along.

Save up. And bleed.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I should introduce you to my brother. You'd make a perfect couple. And no, he's not gay either.

9/15/2005 06:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"There are a limited number of amazing, talented beautiful people out there. And everybody wants the best quality. So the price goes higher and they're the most expensive."

And this, my dear friend, is why you set yourself up for failure. You idealize, and maybe even idolize women and look for someone who doesn't really exist. Not many relationships will last long under that burden of proof.

Incidentally, very disappointed to see you refused to answer the question of whether you'd received charitable monies. Given you'd been so critical of charity on this blog, it was a fair question to have answered. Your silence provides, I suppose, its own answer.

9/15/2005 08:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cody brutha, you nailed it. I haven't read anything that straight up and true about relationships in a good while. Extremely well said dude.

9/15/2005 10:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really nice blog. Keep it up.

DO NOT FAIL, give someone you love a anti drunk driving GIFT today. Who knows when it would come in handy. This anti drunk driving website is offering a DISCOUNT on anti drunk driving, selling at bulk price. IMAGINE giving someone you love the opportunity to LIVE because you gave them anti drunk driving. It is only $19.95!

Drunk Driving Kills! May your loved ones remember you forever!

9/16/2005 07:53:00 AM  
Blogger AARRGH! said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/16/2005 08:19:00 AM  
Blogger AARRGH! said...

I beg to differ. Getting what you pay for is certainly not always the case. How many times do you see product X for $100 in some small shop then see the same thing at a discount store or on the web for a third-less. So who was getting what they paid for? Now look at another expamle. Would you comparison shop for brain surgery? But I digress. You're wrong Cody. There are billions of "amazing, talented, beautiful people out there." It's just that how everyone of us defines that is different. Ain't it great!

9/16/2005 08:25:00 AM  
Anonymous SS (previously an anonymous) said...

When I read your posts about relationships and think about your choice of words (bleeding, giving, depletion of internal assets), it compels me to wonder if there is any reciprocity to these relationships. That is, are you GETTING anything from the relationship and from the other person on an emotional or soul-deep level? Or are you simply giving of yourself without receiving anything in return? And if that's the case, then what's the point? Other than perhaps potential qualification for martyrdom...

In my own experience, having been in a number of serious relationships (which have all ended, some better than others), I feel that in most of them I gained something and learned something from the relationship and from the person I was with. And I don't doubt that in some way they have all been part of shaping the "amazing, talented, beautiful" person that I am today ;-)

9/19/2005 05:52:00 PM  

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