Out of Breathe Emotionally, Physically, Spiritually

I must say I rather miss the old Cody and your old writings. You used to write so beautifully about your personal memories, feelings, even provocative issues (I know I disagreed on some, but what the heck). I think your last good post was about your grandma. Since then, I regret to say that I don't see much of that Cody anymore. Seems like he got swallowed in the GOOGsphere and got replaced by the GOOGbot!!! ;-) SNAP OUT OF IT kiddo!!!

That's the provocative close to an email from a...well, what do we call these "friends" of ours whom we meet and grow to care about on the Internet. I have lots of "cyber-friends", and in many ways we're closer than my real-world friends. I knew when my "friend", D must have been going through something hard, simply by his tone and phrase-ology on IM. So I asked him about it, and indeed there was personal turmoil. We chatted often about it -- all via IM. And I have real-world friends I don't see or talk to often enough to even know them that well anymore. So this email is from, "M", as she's requested I call her and she fits in into that category of...well, whatever, this is why the need for cateragorization is so detracting...and just how far have I now digressed?

Anyway, that email got me thinking about a post I'd started back last summer when I'd been having a rough go of things in the personal life, and I was writing a lot about my personal reflections (and I'm still shocked and hurt over those hateful, threatening anonymous posts from then --- sigh) . I'd been noticing that my writings both here and on other venues weren't laced with nearly as much humor as they usually are. Not very hard to figure out why of course, I'd just found it fascinating how even in my Wall Street- centric posts my humor had faded.

Lately, my posts are dominated by quick "content-revolution" references that are almost out of breathe in their brevity. My editor called me yesterday and asked me, "Can you tell me when exactly it was that you decided you no longer needed subjects in your sentences?"

And I had to laugh in agreement, because I'd noticed I'd started doing that lately. Like this. Breaking the cadence. Of the writing. You follow? Like this.

And see all of this is itself reflective of my state of mind. Writing by nature always will be. I'm simply out of breathe emotionally, physically, spiritually, and trying to catch it. I'm having a time of my life (and did I mention I'm heading to the Grammy's this week???), but it's also completely exhausting. Regardless, I'll confront my ghosts as they come, whether I like it or not.

Whether I like it or not. Did it again. See?